My testimony is multi-faceted in that it began when I was young and manifested itself throughout my life. My entire life has been a testimony to the goodness and mercy of the Lord. But to give a greater understanding of who I am, and how the Lord has touched me, I will only give one example. Throughout my posts I pray that you will get to see how God kept me even when I could not see the way. I give you this first example. My mother became ill after a short visit from my home-town. I had always taken her for granted, and I never knew how much her love and support meant to me, until she was gone. However, she had just come to town to help me move into my new home that my husband and I had bought. Although we had little money saved, and poor spending habits, the Lord allowed us to purchase a home.
My mother, who had remained unmarried and lived alone, was visiting shortly after she had retired from a factory that she worked at for years. She became sick, and being a nurse, I noticed that she had not been eating, or doing the things that she would normally do-like get up at five a.m., cook breakfast, clean etc. When I questioned her about how she felt, she would simply state, “I’ll see my doctor when I get home.” However, she never made it home. She became worse and complained o f stomach pain and nausea and vomiting. So, I proceeded to examine my mother after great reluctance on her part. The right side of her stomach was hard to the touch, and tender. She was in a lot of pain. I had to insist that she go to the emergency room.
After much testing, my mother was diagnosed with gallstones and a ruptured gallbladder, and was scheduled for surgery the next day. The next day my mother went down for surgery with my sister and myself at her bedside. My mother had not been in surgery an hour before two physicians came back in the room with an ominous look upon their face. I knew that something was wrong. They told us that they had to open and close her on the surgical table due to finding cancer throughout her body.
The pain that struck my soul was unimaginable. I was so distraught and I did not know what hit me. I felt lost, angry and confused. This was my mother after all. Someone who had always been there for me whether or not I understood her intentions, they were always to protect and console me. Now I would have to take the time to console her.
The physicians left us with the grave task of informing our mother that she had cancer, and that ultimately she was going to die. What a day! I will always believe that my mother knew about the cancer, and that was a part of her eagerness to get back home. But if she’d only told me… if she had confided in me like I had her so many times before, maybe then she would have had a chance to live more than the few months that she did.
My mother died and she died at my home with me and my children there to love and support her. I thank God for this happening the way that it did. If my mother had gone home, I would not have gotten to take care of her the way that I did. My children would not have gotten a chance to see her every day. She would have just faded away.
God allowed things to happen the way that it did, so that I may take care of my mother. He has always orchestrated how my life should go. I know that He is in charge. I thank Him for even the heartaches and pain, because I know He is trying to show me something. He has been my ultimate teacher, parent, and lover of my soul. God has been here for me in ways that my husband could not, when my husband could not. When life stood still with the moment I lost my mother, my world changed. I would no longer view my life in the same manner again. Spirituality, seemed nonexistent. I grew cold, unfeeling, and it affected my marriage in every way. I lost my reason to feel-my mother.
I believe it was at this time, God decided to step in to show me that He was my all and all. If I lost my husband, if I lost my home, my children, my mother and father- He was still there. It is amazing, in writing those words- I just realized at some point, to a certain degree- I had lost all of those things! Yet, God still remains! Be encouraged, that whatever you are going through, no matter how bad it seems- God is constant, He is forever, He is always! You may think you have no more energy to endure, but God says that you can! He says you can do all things through Christ that strengthens you! Believe that, and everything will begin to change for you! I pray that peace and mercy be given unto you that you may know God’s love the way that I know His love. Happy Mother’s Day and God Bless!
I entitled this "A Cry for Help" because of my son. I don't think that we realize sometimes what parental fighting and arguing does to children. When I think of an event where my husband and I were fighting (in front of my son), it makes me sick to my stomach to know how deeply he felt each hurtful word that we spoke to one another- not to him, but to one another. He felt it- so deeply. As I recall slamming the door behind me, angry for no real reason, but trying to make a point, I remember looking at my son's face and the sound of such pain escaping from his body. It is a cry that I will never forget. What are we doing to our children? It is a cry for help. He cried in such pain , in such fear that his mother and father would break up, that we didn't love each other, and that we would divorce. What a burden to lay upon a child! I saw it in his face, in his tears, and in his essence. He wanted to feel that his parents would be there for each other, but also for him. He was right to question it. We had not shown each other the love and support that we should have. We fought everyday about trivial things. But, how God shows us our errors,our flaws and our mistakes is so profound! I saw the tears of my child, and thought I had to change my way of expressing my feelings to my husband. I loved him, I was just angry because I needed help around the house, and I felt unappreciated. Yet I really wasn't angry at him. One word led to another word, and left my SON in tears. How selfish of me to put my needs over my son! That is what happens! Children are caught in between the fighting and bickering. They are crying, not just for us to stop fighting, but for help. Help to stop the pain, help to stop the fear and to continue loving one another as God has intended for us to. Something to think about....
